I recently had an episode of such an overwhelming emotional connection to my unborn baby...and it was quite a touching moment. He was actively bouncing around in my belly and I envisioned holding him for the first time and kissing him on his sweet little cheeks. I have been excited, but until recently I have not truly felt the connection that I do now. His presence is nearing and my desire to see his face is almost irresistible! I am already beginning to think of us as a family of four and realizing how that affects us in every way imaginable (travel, holidays, etc). But even after all these feelings of joy I constantly seem to be asking myself if its going to last.
Will I still feel this overwhelming love for him when he his born? Lucas has been my baby for the past two and a half years and sometimes I fear that I could never love another person in the way that I do him. I have been fortunate enough to stay home and raise my son and the bond we've created with each other is unmatching, or so I seem to believe. Most parents have more than one child, and I know this, but does the second experience pale in comparison to the first? Am I always going to be comparing this little one to his older brother? Am I going to have unrealistic expectations for him? Will they find it necessary to fight for my affection? Or will I find myself favoring one son over the other as they grow? I have so many fears that the love I feel for this baby is not going to be the same love that I have for Lucas. But even if its not the same love, will it at least be equal love?
Levi is my rock. He supports me physically, emotionally, financially, and absolutely everything in between. When we got married I never imagined that I would love another person more than him. Becoming a mother hasn't made me love him any less, but I realize that a greater part of my heart had been reserved for my Lucas. He came into this world just when I needed him most and has been my everything from the moment I was able to call him mine. Starting our married life together was not easy being away from all of my family and friends, but we always had each other. Lucas soon became that constant presence where all of my love and energy was naturally shifted. 
We recently watched an episode of the cartoon "Franklin" where he was preparing for the birth of his baby sister. He was really sad and told one of his friends his fear that his parents would love the new baby more than they loved him. His friend, who was a big brother himself, reassured him that his parents were going to love them both equally. He asked Franklin who he loved best; his mom or his dad? Franklin thought it was a silly question and said he loved them both. His friend explained that even though you love your mom and your dad in different ways and for different reasons, you love them both just the same. He claimed that it was the same with children...parents love them both equally, but may show it in different ways. This episode touched me more than I expected and it honestly almost made the cry. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear. I already know that I am going to love this new baby unconditionally. He is a combination of myself and my husband and was created entirely out of love and excitement. We are thrilled to give Lucas a sibling and to enjoy raising a set of boys. But sometimes I just can't shake these thoughts in my head. My greatest prayer is that all of these fears will fly out of the window the moment I hold my son and share him with our family. Parenthood is definitely a roller coaster of emotions...even from the beginning. I guess everybody just needs a little bit of reassurance every now and again.
