4 going on 16

Next month Lucas will reach the ripe old age of 4.5. I swear it feels like he just turned four and yet we're halfway onto 5 already. I really don't understand how this keeps happening faster each and every year.

Lucas is only a few weeks away from finishing up his second year of preschool. My oh my has this school year flown by. Unfortunately, he does not get to proceed onto Kindergarten like most of his friends. Being a November baby definitely has its disadvantages. Even though he is physically, mentally, and cognitively ready, I am okay with the notion of keeping him back one more year. I really don't want him to be the youngest of his friends as he progresses through school. Last to drive, last to work, etc. The thought of all that peer pressure and trouble making already stresses me out! Instead, we will wait one more year and he will instead be one of the oldest. His current teacher already mentioned that he is going to be one of the leaders of the preschool next year :)

He is full of attitude and sass, and lots of his own opinions. I cringe every time a smart/sarcastic comment comes out of his mouth because it honestly feels like the teenage years are upon us. But he is also the sweetest, most generous and loving child. He is a fantastic big brother (who takes credit for all of Levin's new accomplishments!) and can be the greatest helper when he wants to be.

He's very excited for summer and moving into a new house. I just purchased a groupon for a Karate class, but we're debating on what other activities to sign him up for. This summer will be very busy for me as I finish up my last semester, but I'm hoping to find something fun for him to do now that he's old enough to participate in many different extracurricular activities. .

Back in January he took a special trip to Hawaii alone with daddy. It was awful being away from him for two whole weeks but he had such a great time. He now wants to live by a beach..no surprise there. He sure loves his daddy!

Lucas loves to read books, play outside, and most of all be with friends. He isn't very interested in arts and crafts anymore and instead likes to play...hard. He loves to kung-fu, battle with his beyblades, and pretend he's an avatar with earth/water/fire bending powers. He's quite an active kid, but I've caught him meditating on a couple of occasions too!

But even though he's constantly trying to defeat or battle us, he genuinely loves to cuddle. He tells me at least five times every day that he loves me and begs for us all to join in on a family cuddle. He can be so sweet and I fear the day he'll no longer want to spend time with us.

The end is in sight!

It's hard to believe it, but I am almost finished with school! I remember shedding many tears after receiving my acceptance letter for fear of being away from my children, but this time has really flown by. I struggled with the decision to start the program while Levin was so little, but I am so happy that I made that hard decision back then. Now I'm only months away from starting my career and I can focus more on the important things in my life.

I just completed the fourth semester and only have one more to go. Yes, only ONE more! The first seven weeks will consist of community nursing, along with a course on Management and Legal. During the final seven weeks I will be working alongside one nursing doing a Preceptorship. We just signed up for our top choices and I'm sure it's no surprise that I'm hoping for NICU, L&D, or Mom/Baby. I'm excited to work with one nurse for 160+ hours to really get a good feel for what nursing is all about.

The last two semesters have included Med/Surg, Community, OB, Peds, Psych, Research, Transcultural, and Critical Care. I've enjoyed rotating through the units and getting to experience a wide array of nursing specialties, but it's also been a hindrance. It's very frustrating moving around so much. As soon as you get comfortable in a unit, you are quickly whisked away to an entirely different one. It's not easy being a student when many experienced nurses act bothered by your presence. But I've also worked alongside some fantastic nurses who made me feel wonderful about myself and my potential. It'll also be nice to start working just three twelve-hour shifts a week. That is what I am most excited for! Yes, I'm going to be exhausted by the end of the day and probably wont see my children much at all on my workdays, but I will have four whole days each week so spend with them. I'm really looking forward to being Nurse Mommy, not Nursing School Mommy.

Even with the disadvantage of having two young children while in the program, I've been doing wonderful. In fact, I've been excelling! I was just inducted into Sigma Theta Tau, an International Honor Society for Nurses. It was a great honor to be among the few who were nominated and I do not take this accomplishment lightly.

I was also recently inducted into the National Society of Leadership and Success, and was invited into the Golden Key International Honor Society for a second year. I must be doing something right! (Even though I personally see myself as the biggest procrastinator on the planet.)

So wish me luck as I pursue the final four months of schooling. All my hard work is coming to an end and the job hunt is right around the corner. After passing my boards and a long, long, long vacation of course!

Back to blogging!

My sister brought it to my attention that I haven't posted a single entry in the year 2013. I knew I was slacking, but I didn't realize just how much. So here I am...back into my blogging!

2013 has been a busy and very chaotic year for us. The boys are getting bigger and we are quickly outgrowing our home. For that reason, we are on the hunt for a second house! We decided to buy a foreclosure/fixer-upper that we can work on while renting out our current place. There has been a great deal of discussion lately about us relocating and heading back down to the lower 48. We realize that a lot has changed since we left California nearly 5.5 yrs ago, but we can't shake this lonely feeling here. Whether we return to Cali or find somewhere new, we're giving ourselves a 2-3 year plan.

By fixing up a home and re-selling it in a year or so (along with our existing property), we feel confident that we'd be leaving with a good investment on our hands. And it's only a matter of time before I land a good nursing job. Levi's already joking that I get to be his sugar mama.

The house hunt has been beyond frustrating and not at all what I expected. Heck, I thought buying a house would be fun. But buying a foreclosure has proven to be much harder that we thought. There are a lot of investors out there right now that keep swooping in, offering cash, and stealing all the good ones. And who's going to say no to cash? I don't blame them one bit.

We had one home that we were absolutely in love with and we even offered above the asking price. We let ourselves get too invested and shopped around and designed all the repair work. Apparently it just wasn't meant to be, so the hunt continued. We just placed an offer in on our second choice and it seems very promising. The current owners are going through a divorce and the wife has left state. The husband has accepted our offer and now we are just waiting on the wife to sign papers on her end. I'm still a bit heartbroken over the first house and the excitement of this one hasn't really kicked in, but I do see great potential in this one. We are beyond ready for a nice big house with a matching big lot! Lucas spotted the giant two story tree house in the back and that's all the convincing it took to get him on board!

So we should hear a confirmation by the end of the week. And I have all of my Pinterest boards full of repair and decor ideas. I know this is going to be a lot of work, but I'm excited to fix up a house with my hubby. What's the point of being married to a Contractor if we can't take advantage of it?! Sounds like a new hobby brewing :)

Expect lots of new posts this week! I sure have missed writing.

Winter Wonderland

As much as I've tried to avoid the notion...winter is definitely here. My 4-Runner just got a nice new set of studded snow tires (thanks to hubby!), the vehicles need to be plugged in at night, and we can't forget the obvious blanket of white snow that's covering the entire city.

I spent a week or so pretending that it hasn't really happened and secretly hoping that the snow wouldn't stick. But now it's time to face reality. Winter is here. It really really is.

 

I realized that I am about to endure my 6th Alaskan winter and yet this California body of mine still hasn't quite adapted. I'm already dreading the dry skin and cracking scalp that I know is about to happen. Between the crisp dry air and having to wash my hands every 15 minutes at the hospital, my poor skin is a mess. Mental note to self: use more coconut oil!

So even though I am not a huge fan of snow I find it absolutely adorable that my boys are. They love to play outside regardless of the temperature. And the best part....preschool and daycare help them get that daily fix. I love that they get out, but even more when it's not me having to do it! This California girl prefers to hibernate all winter drinking hot cocoa and watching the snow through a window. But I'm sure there will be many days of snow play in my future. Now that I'm outnumbered I'm bound to be drug outside a time or two.

Toddlerhood

A little late, I know, but our littlest man is officially a toddler. No more infant. Such a big, handsome, happy man he is, too. It's crazy to think that I was holding him for the first time just a little over one year ago. Feels like he's honestly been in my life forever. He has been walking for months and is quite the runner these days. He loves to follow his big brother around everywhere and I've even caught them play wrestling on a number of occasions. I'm sure it wont be long before those turn into full fledged wrestles.

He absolutely loves music! He dances, claps and sings anytime he hears a song. I recently took him to a book party in the park and it wasn't long before he made his way to the music tent. I turned my back for two seconds and he crawled up onto the drums, stood up, and was dancing away. I'm thinking of putting him in a weekend music class for babies since music is such a big part of his life. He loves all genres of music and will even head bang to the ABC's. But the cutest of all is his singing. His can actually sing to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle.

He is so outgoing and can put a smile on anyones face. He is talking quite a bit and really comprehends commands and questions. It's so fun to ask him to grab something and watch him follow through with the request. His amazement, and even frustrations, are so amusing to watch. Little people really are the coolest!

Since Mr. Man started walking our lives have forever changed. He used to be so easy going but he is really starting to push his limits. I'm pretty sure he should have been named Danger because I find myself constantly gasping as I discover him climbing or standing on random objects. My bet is that he'll need stitches by two!

He absolutely loves dogs and will spot them out everywhere we go. On a recent hike he didn't miss one single dog that passed us by. His little "dog, dog, dog!" never gets old.

As crazy as it is that my baby is now a toddler, my oldest is about to turn 4! Holy smokes...is this even possible?!

This kid has got the funnest personality around! I honestly have never gone a single day without him making me laugh. He is sweet, smart, funny and an amazing big brother!

I try to spend special "date" time with Lucas because it's not often that we get to be alone. With the change of semesters my schedule now allows me to take him to school a few days a week. We often have a bit of time to spare so we are creating new morning traditions together!

I just had his Parent-Teacher conference and was told that he is doing fantastic! This year we put him in the Pre-K program as well so Lucas has made many new friends. He is so sweet and all of the kids just gravitate to him. Not to mention to the buddies he's made from daycare also. Who wouldn't want to be Lucas' friend? He's a pretty amazing kid!

He has an extra special birthday party coming up this weekend so I am busy prepping all the Superhero details. I can't wait! Four whole years have flown by since this little munchkin made me a mama. And what an amazing four years it has been!

Levin's 1st Birthday

I am busily prepping for Lucas' birthday party next weekend and it dawned on me that I never posted anything about Levin's 1st birthday. He is such a unique little person so I wanted a birthday theme to resemble that. Nothing caught my eye while shopping around so I figured I'd get creative with all of his favorite things....airplanes, snakes, and blueberries!

I carved an airplane out of a watermelon and stuffed it full of grapes, cut out airplane pb&j's, and dipped marshmallows in delicious blue colored chocolate to make propellers. The snake bread sticks with olive eyes ended up being a pretty big hit, as were the yummy blueberry muffins (instead of cupcakes).

For the cake I stuck with angel food cake and fresh strawberries. It was adorable and took only a few minutes to make. Best of all, the birthday boy enjoyed it. And mom was happy that his belly was full of healthy strawberries instead of sugary frosting!

We had such a great turnout and the weather thankfully cooperated with us. It was a tad windy, but the kiddos sure didn't mind. We even had a surprise moose visitor run out onto the open field. We reserved one of the nearby parks so the kids were able to play on the structures as well as run around the fields. All it took was a bucket of balls and the party took care of itself!

My goofy little man is so loved by his family and friends and it warms my heart to see people come together to celebrate his existence. I love this boy more than I ever imagined I could! And I even love making fun of his silliness...hence the "Baby Gollum" photo above!

Pushing limits

Yes world, I am still alive. I miss this little blog of mine and the satisfaction that I get from writing it. As busy as I am, I'm going to try and devote more time to keeping this lifeline of mine going.

My life just continues to get crazier and crazier and I find myself buried in the midst of all of its chaos. Some days...well most days to be honest, I find myself questioning why I continue to torture myself with all that's piling on my plate. I feel like life just keeps dishing me up another dose before I've even managed to finish up my first. I'm trying my best to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude around my kids, but I'm sinking. Or more like floating. I'm keeping myself afloat for the time being, but we all know that you can only tread on for so long.

School is truly taking up more of my time that I am comfortable with. I am struggling to keep a happy balance and lately feel a wide array of emotions. I feel overwhelmed, guilty for not being as available to my kids, and even embarrassed by the parent I'm becoming. My children have always been my entire life and I'm constantly reminded that they are on a temporary back burner. Don't get me wrong, I haven't abandoned my children by any means, but my head and heart are not always in the right place these days. My mornings consist of herding everyone out the door with full bellies and all their belongings, and my evenings consist of feeding those tummies again and getting everyone settled into bed. In between those few hours each day that I'm actually around my kids, I'm juggling school, housework, and a number of other responsibilities. When did my life get so fast tracked? Where did my countless cuddle hours go with my kids where our biggest worry of the day was choosing which activity to include ourselves in?

I have officially passed the half way mark and I am beginning to see a little light at the end of my tunnel. I try to be optimistic in realizing that I'm half way done, but it's hard not to wonder "am I seriously only half way done?!" I'm ready to have my simple family life back where all of my energy and focus stays on my loved ones. I'm ready to enjoy my nights and weekends again instead of feeling continuously exhausted and overwhelmed. I miss taking my children to weekday activities and having play dates with friends. And I especially miss the happy, energetic, up-beat mom that I used to be.

I talk to other nursing students and I know that I'm not the only person feeling this way. I know we are all just taking it day by day until this madness of a program is over, but I hate that I decided to take on this responsibility while my children are so little. I pray for time to quickly pass by so I can be done with this phase of my life. But I also want time to stop in its tracts so that I can savor these precious moments with my babes. Either way, I can't win. I'm secretly hoping that they are young enough not to remember my absences so that I don't carry around this guilt forever. I'm doing great in school, but wondering if that's at the expense of my family? Lucas asked me recently if I always take him to preschool and daycare because I'm "tired of him." Needless to say that one instantly sent me to tears and ruined my entire day. Please Lord, tell me that my child is not going to hate me and grow up with unresolved abandonment issues. Tell me that everything is going to work out just fine and that it will all be worth it in the end. There are countless working families around the world functioning just as we are now. So why do I feel so guilty all the time?

I remind myself that I'm not doing this for me. Yes, I want a career. I want to be successful and have a rewarding life to look back on. But I want my family even more. This education allows me to have the family I dream about and to give my children the many opportunities that I want for them. This isn't for me. It's for them. And as long as I can keep reminding myself that, I will continue to float.

These are the faces that keep me going, and these and the faces that light up my world. I never forget how blessed I am to call myself their mother. This is what life is all about!