Pushing limits

Yes world, I am still alive. I miss this little blog of mine and the satisfaction that I get from writing it. As busy as I am, I'm going to try and devote more time to keeping this lifeline of mine going.

My life just continues to get crazier and crazier and I find myself buried in the midst of all of its chaos. Some days...well most days to be honest, I find myself questioning why I continue to torture myself with all that's piling on my plate. I feel like life just keeps dishing me up another dose before I've even managed to finish up my first. I'm trying my best to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude around my kids, but I'm sinking. Or more like floating. I'm keeping myself afloat for the time being, but we all know that you can only tread on for so long.

School is truly taking up more of my time that I am comfortable with. I am struggling to keep a happy balance and lately feel a wide array of emotions. I feel overwhelmed, guilty for not being as available to my kids, and even embarrassed by the parent I'm becoming. My children have always been my entire life and I'm constantly reminded that they are on a temporary back burner. Don't get me wrong, I haven't abandoned my children by any means, but my head and heart are not always in the right place these days. My mornings consist of herding everyone out the door with full bellies and all their belongings, and my evenings consist of feeding those tummies again and getting everyone settled into bed. In between those few hours each day that I'm actually around my kids, I'm juggling school, housework, and a number of other responsibilities. When did my life get so fast tracked? Where did my countless cuddle hours go with my kids where our biggest worry of the day was choosing which activity to include ourselves in?

I have officially passed the half way mark and I am beginning to see a little light at the end of my tunnel. I try to be optimistic in realizing that I'm half way done, but it's hard not to wonder "am I seriously only half way done?!" I'm ready to have my simple family life back where all of my energy and focus stays on my loved ones. I'm ready to enjoy my nights and weekends again instead of feeling continuously exhausted and overwhelmed. I miss taking my children to weekday activities and having play dates with friends. And I especially miss the happy, energetic, up-beat mom that I used to be.

I talk to other nursing students and I know that I'm not the only person feeling this way. I know we are all just taking it day by day until this madness of a program is over, but I hate that I decided to take on this responsibility while my children are so little. I pray for time to quickly pass by so I can be done with this phase of my life. But I also want time to stop in its tracts so that I can savor these precious moments with my babes. Either way, I can't win. I'm secretly hoping that they are young enough not to remember my absences so that I don't carry around this guilt forever. I'm doing great in school, but wondering if that's at the expense of my family? Lucas asked me recently if I always take him to preschool and daycare because I'm "tired of him." Needless to say that one instantly sent me to tears and ruined my entire day. Please Lord, tell me that my child is not going to hate me and grow up with unresolved abandonment issues. Tell me that everything is going to work out just fine and that it will all be worth it in the end. There are countless working families around the world functioning just as we are now. So why do I feel so guilty all the time?

I remind myself that I'm not doing this for me. Yes, I want a career. I want to be successful and have a rewarding life to look back on. But I want my family even more. This education allows me to have the family I dream about and to give my children the many opportunities that I want for them. This isn't for me. It's for them. And as long as I can keep reminding myself that, I will continue to float.

These are the faces that keep me going, and these and the faces that light up my world. I never forget how blessed I am to call myself their mother. This is what life is all about!

11 Months!

Levin is eleven! Eleven months that is. Hard to believe we're only one more month away from toddlerhood. How exciting yet incredibly sad at the same time.

He is one wild little creature! Big boy toys absolutely fascinate him and he loves to act like he's already a toddler. Maybe having an older brother prompts him to want to do certain activities, but I feel like he never wants to play like a baby anymore

If you can't tell, he loves vehicles! He loves riding in/on them, playing with them and imitating their noises. It's amazing how much of a boy this little man is already. He is in love with airplanes most of all! He spotted his first one flying above a few weeks ago and it nearly made me and Levi tear up. He heard the sound, gasped, and pointed his tiny little finger at the sky. He stood there, wide-eyed and pointing, until the plane was out of sight. Shortly after coming back inside we found him playing with one of Lucas' cars, but pretending it was a plane. He was swooping it around his head making airplane noises...loving every minute of it! There's nothing greater than watching your children learn right before your eyes! His expressions and actions were absolutely priceless to watch.

He loves being outside and is really comfortable crawling around in the dirt and grass now. That cautious little baby is gone...now he's hard to keep on eye on! He is walking around and taking as many as 10 steps at a time. He loves to stand and squat. I think he's pretty proud that he can get up without something to hold onto these days.

He's also a big fan of hiking! He's always loved to be worn so it was no surprise that he would love it while hitting the trails. Nature is so inspiring to babies and I just love watching him explore his surroundings. Some of his favorites are sticks, rocks, trees, and leaves!

The biggest development this month (other than practically walking!) is his huge stride in communication and understanding. He loves to mimic our actions and demonstrate how to properly use certain items. He knows that phones are for talking on and if I say "hello" he will put it to his ear!

He will also follow commands and shake, tap, clap, and bonk items if I tell him to. He isn't talking near as much as brother was at eleven months, but I am still so proud of his words. He now says dada, mama, dog, ni-night, more,  and my all time favorite....tickle-tickle! I can't help but giggle every time he pretends to tickle. He is very attached to his green blankie and a few days ago I could tell something was wrong. He was crawling around looking for something and was obviously sad that he couldn't find it. He looked at me very pitifully and wimpered 'ni-night?" I knew he wanted his blankie (as he's asked for it a few times before) so I went and pulled it out of his crib. His eyes lit up, he squeeze it super hard and then he started rubbing his fingers all over it while laughing "tickle-tickle ni-night". It was the cutest and funniest thing I have ever seen him do!

He is also very communicative while eating. Every time I tell him to open, he says "ahh". And when you ask him if something is good he immediately smiles and says "mmm!". I probably ask him both questions like 20 times each meal because I think it's just super stinkin' cute! I'll even admit that I'm waiting for him to mix up the answers...but he never does. He's a smart little cookie!

He is still a super eater, fantastic sleeper and now a determined climber. I have such a hard time keeping this boy on the floor. He'll climb boxes, buckets, chairs, you name it!

He's almost too big to throw into the sink for a quick bath these days. His hair is starting to get so long that it's curling at the tips and he even has 3 teeth (working on #4). One of the top teeth decided to come out by themselves so he looks so goofy at the moment. I can't help but laugh every time he smiles! The other top is beginning to protrude through so hopefully it's a quick advancement. Teeth are so evil!

This last month has been so full of excitement! As big as he's getting, I love that I can still look down at him and see a tiny little person. He has the greatest personality and is such a magnet of happiness!

Birthday Relaxation

I just had the most amazing birthday weekend ever...all thanks to my awesome hubby! After classes on Friday I was sent to the top floor of the downtown Sheraton to be pampered at the Ice Spa. I got an amazing hour long massage, followed by a manicure and a pedicure. Wow! What a relaxing way to spend my day! I have never had so many services done at once and the view was spectacular! I stared out at the ocean while getting my nails done...perfection!

I got home, thanked hubby for the awesome time, and was then instructed to pack my bags. What?! Where in the world were we going? And what about the kids?

Apparently hubby had all the details figured out. We got the kids settled down and then we headed out of town. I was whisked away to Alyeska Resort in Girdwood and couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. I've always wanted to go and didn't see it happening between school and the boys. But both of the kids sleep wonderfully through the night and are angels for our sitter, so we made the leap!

Not only did he book us a suite on the very top floor, but he also made us mountain top dinner reservations for Seven Glaciers! We took the tran ride up and got to sit and enjoy a gorgeous view while we had the most amazing meal of our lives. Honestly, I have never raved about a meal as much as this one. Best food and best drinks EVER!

The next morning we went to breakfast and then decided to take a swim at the indoor salt water pool. We must have gotten lucky with the fishing weekend because we had the place practically to ourselves! It was so nice to swim, enjoy the hot tub and take a nice sit in the sauna alone with my man. Made us both realize how much we truly miss the water.

We arrived back home around noon on Saturday and as our sitter was leaving she said that she would be back around 6. I had no idea what she was talking about and I couldn't help but laugh when hubby started grinning. He had surprised me with tickets to the Citizen Cope concert but we decided to do dinner and a movie instead. It was raining and we were both far too exhausted for an outdoor concert. (thank goodness for Craigslist). We went out, dined, had a few drinks, and saw the new Batman movie. A lovely date night to top off our trip!

What an awesome weekend! My husband has never been the big romantic type and can never really keep a secret, so I was ecstatic about all the effort he put forward for my birthday. It was great to spend some alone time and pamper ourselves as a couple. I couldn't have asked for anything better!

Danger is my middle name!



Lucas is sure growing up fast! As of last month he is now 3.5 years old. I still find this hard to believe at times. Where is the world did my first born baby go?

We have hit the wild age that I knew would someday come. Lucas has always been more of a cautious child and definitely more on the timid side. He really stepped out of this shell once pre-school started and he is only becoming more brave and independent by the day.

I knew that his middle name would come back to bite me in the butt eventually. I guess I just didn't expect it to be this soon! There have been five incidences this month where he pulled the name card. FIVE! Oh lordy...it begins!

The first time completely threw Levi off guard and he laughed pretty hard. Lucas took it upon himself to climb up a rather large ladder and get onto the roof of our shed. When Levi asked what he was doing and warned him that he could fall and get hurt, Lucas simply replied, "I'm not going to fall. My middle name is DANGER!"

Now any incidence where safety is a concern he seems to think that he is immune. Maybe this is just a normal tendency for a toddler boy, but the name choice sure doesn't help.

He's all boy though. His recent obsession are superheros and you'd better believe this boy can tell you all about any character you ask. He's watched all of the movies, and even likes the old school cartoons found of netflix.

Surprise, surprise...he also loves motorcyles just like his dad.

Any chance to take a ride around the block and this kid jumps for joy. He recently took a ride with his Uncle Pete and they passed a fire truck. Apparently Lucas thrusted his arm into the air and yelled "Motorcycle...yeah!" to the firemen while grinning ear to ear. He wouldn't stop riding and was nearly blue and frozen when we convinced him to put the bike away.

He's also really into climbing!

He loves some of the indoor rock walls and is getting pretty good at climbing them solo. There is one at his favorite indoor bounce place and a number of birthday parties that we've recently attended had one. Levin takes a lot of interest in watching him climb the walls...I forsee two wild little climbers on our hands!

He's also a huge fan of climbing outdoors, too. Who wouldn't love climbing around on rocks while pretending to be a superhero? Expecially in this beautiful Alaskan summer that we've had.

He loves parks, walks, hikes and just being outdoors in general. Summer has been fun with all the water play, but he's even content just having a picnic and flying a kite. We've even just had a number of picnics in our front yard per his request.

Along with the hard play of summer comes a really tired boy at the end of the day. We've been having quite a few meltdowns in the late evening so we recently bumbed bedtime up to 7:30-8p. The sun has been waking him up way earlier than it should so we had to make some adjustments on the other end. It seems to be making a difference and I really don't mind the extra quiet time in the evenings!



Super Dad!

Not that we need a special holiday to celebrate how wonderful of a father Levi is, last weekend just so happened to be Father's Day... so we did just that!
I am continuously impressed at how amazing he is with our boys. I am beyond blessed to have him as my partner as we tackle this crazy little thing called parenthood. I can always trust that he will go above and beyond and put their best interests first. I couldn't have chosen a better daddy for my children. We are a great team, but we differ in just the right amount of aspects. My children are oh so lucky to have him!

If only all his old friends could see him now...he is 100% daddy. Poop changing, bath giving, story reading, bike riding, play fighting DAD! Seeing my three guys together just melts my heart. The boys obviously adore, love, and admire him. No one can break this bond!
So I did learn something very important this year....three year olds are awful at keeping secrets! I think next year Lucas may have to be kept out of the loop until the last possible minute. Levi walked in the door after work one evening and Lucas blurted out "tomorrow is going to be a very special day but I'm not allowed to tell you about it!" All night long he would reference to the gifts, but would also throw in the fact that Levi's not allowed to know. It was hilarious.

I got a few cute ideas off Pinterest and we went to work. We started off by making a card that was folded as a tee-shirt. Lucas loved doing this with me since he just recently discovered the wonderul art of origami.

Next we decided to make something special and surprise him with his all time favorite...fruit snacks! We covered a 6-pack case of root beer with scrapbook paper to match the tie on the card. I got some adorable print outs online and we got to work filling each bottle. This was also a difficult task to do with a three year old since many of the fruit snacks somehow made a detour into his mouth! Regardless, I think it turned out really cute.

Needless to say, the bottles didn't last very long. Levi is a true fruit snack addict.

We also made a picture of all of our hands together. I still love looking back at the handprint art piece we did for Levi's very first Father's Day in 2009. Baby hands are just too precious!

It's a little difficult to see in the picture because of the glare, but the scrapbook paper was really nice quality and has a bit of a shimmer to it. I am still pretty blown away at how similar the boys' hand sizes are. Levin is growing entirely too fast.

Overall, we had a really good day as a family. We went to Friday's for lunch and were surprised when we found out that children eat free on Sundays, Dads got a free slice of pie, and they had a $5 drink menu. Score! And the weather was gorgeous all day, too. It's not often that we get to spend an entire day together as family, but I'm happy we were able to on this occasion.

10 Months!

My oh my...it's about time to start the countdown until Levin's first birthday already! This year is flying by!

He is now 10 months old and getting wilder by the day! He continues to destroy our house every chance that he gets, and never fails to help himself to anything and everything. But now he knows when he's getting in to something that he shouldn't. He's started a new game where he will wait until we look and then throw everything around while giggling. He has quite the arm and will even play fetch with himself for a half hour at a time. It's also the same when he's sneaking back into one of the rooms. He'll patiently wait at the door until he makes eye contact. Then he races away as fast as his little body can crawl laughing the entire time. This is such a fun age!

As mobile as he has been for a bit it's no surprise that he's already trying out his next big leap...walking! He is getting really brave and has taken a few steps on several occasions. But right now what he's most comfortable doing is just standing around. I've seen him stand for upwards of about 30-40 seconds at a time. He's even getting comfortable enough that he can twist around while standing up. Walking is surely in the near future, but i'm not in any rush. Yes, I'll even admit that I've pushed him down a time or two. I love the crawling phase and want to get the most out of it!

I am so excited that it is summertime! We have been blessed with some gorgeous weather lately and you can sure believe that we've been taking advantage of it! This child LOVES the water! I wonder if being born into the water has created this effect because Lucas sure wasn't this intrigued at 10 months old.

One day was even a scortching 70 degrees so me and boys went and spent a few hours at the lake. I didn't expect Levin to be as adventurous as he was. But then again, I shouldn't be all that surprised. Apparently there's not much relaxing at the beach with this one...he couldn't sit still! He literally crawled along the shore line and even booked it straight out into the water. He could care less that the water was getting deeper and deeper! So I spent quite a while walking him outwards. Boy did he get mad when I tried to walk him back to shore though. Thanfully he realized fairly quickly that the sand was all that tasty. Quite the success if I do say so.

Although still not a huge fan of grass, he's doing much better. Like I said before, we've been spending lots of time outdoors. He is quite the little mimicker theese days, too. He loves to copy actions and repeat words and his newest favorite it clapping whenever somebody says "yay!"

He's even big enough to enjoy playing with some of the outdoor toys. Not to mention the nice little tan he has going on! I'm glad that he enjoys the outdoors so much. Nice way to tire him out!

Although he is mostly on the go, I can still get a few little cuddle sessions in with my little monster. Isn't this a great picture? It was taken by my little photographer, Lucas!

His verbal skills are really picking up and he is still a wonderful sleeper. His is also a great eater! This kid will eat just about anything I put in front of him, and will even beg like a dog if you're eating in his presence. He still only has two teeth, but we suspect the top ones are coming in soon.

Hazelwood Teething Necklace

Lucas was an awful teether. Each and every tooth popped up individually (never in a pair) and the process was long and painful....for everyone. Half of me thought that I deserved a break this time around, but then I slapped some sense into myself and decided that I shouldn't just sit around waiting on luck. Chances are I wouldn't get my way anyways.

I've heard many good things about teething necklaces but I was so stubborn and didn't want to put a necklace on my son. Period. Had I have had a girl I would have be more open to the idea, but it just wasn't something I saw as an option. This time however, my parenting has changed in many ways. I find myself more laxed, less cautious, and more open to new ideas/experiences. I guess that goes with living and learning!

So I did a little research and decided that it couldn't hurt to get one for Levin. I ordered mine from Tiny Teethers and it was here in about one week. We went with the grey and green beads in an attempt to have it look as masculine as possible. Many people chose to use the Amberwood, but I decided to go with a Hazelwood one for many reasons: it'll all organic and has various natural healing properties in addition to teething relief.

Hazelwood has the medicinal property to neutralize the body's acidity levels. Teething causes acidity levels to rise and results in pain, acidic drool/diaper rash, and even eczema. Unfortunately, Levin's poor skin was covered in eczema so I figured the hazelwood would be a win-win for us.

And what do you know...it worked! His skin has been clear (with a few minor areas) ever since we got the necklace. He has two teeth at the moment but I can tell more are on their way. He doesn't seem near as fussy as he was with the firsts and I have to admit that the necklace has totally grown on me. It gives him this hippy/hawaiian baby kind of look :)