Well, the time came again to test and I am sad to say that we are still not pregnant. This whole waiting game has really got me sick to my stomach and is doing the one thing that it shouldn't be doing...stressing me out!
Although we have only been actively trying for a few months, this past year has been an "if it happens, it happens" kind of thing. Although hubby wasn't ready to commit to "trying" until recently, I've still hoped and prayed that it would happen on its own. So much for that.
I feel like I've spent every month for nearly a year being obsessed with pregnancy, and I really thought that things would finally come together for us. If it wasn't for a loss, we would have been looking at an April baby, but then we actively starting trying again for a June...and then July...and now here we are. Still waiting.
Levi really wants another boy, so naturally, that's what I want to give him. We've been timing it with my ovulation to increase our chances, but the downfall to this is that you limit your fertile days. I'm about ready to say heck with limiting, let just TRY!
Each month that we learn we're not pregnant means we must wait two weeks to re-try, and then wait another two weeks to test. And with all of the single lined pregnancy tests, this cycle just continues.
To put it mildly, I want to crawl into bed and bawl my eyes out half of the time. I know that everything will happen in due time, but I am really running out of options. I can't put off nursing school to stay home with a newborn, so we need to get pregnant NOW! I wish that this wasn't such an emotional thing for me and that I could actually go one single day without thinking about it. Why does this need to consume me so much? And why is it so difficult?? We are a young, healthy, non smoking/drinking couple with a current child. Why? I suppose I just thought once hubby jumped on the bandwagon and invested his heart into this too, that things would magically fall into place. But I'm an adult. I should have learned by now that life is not a fairytale.
1 comment:
Well, I have to say that one thing popped out at me... Maybe you aren't supposed to have another boy?? ;o) Girls are lots of fun, and I bet she'd have Daddy wrapped around her finger! I don't know, it all happens the way it's supposed to, I think. I also think you should try and alleviate some of that pressure you are putting on yourself! Have fun!! :o) Good luck next month, I will keep my fingers crossed for you!
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