Unprompted affection

I absolutely relish in the moments that my boys interact with each other, but lately I've been so warmed by witnessing a number of acts with entirely unprompted affection from me. Nothing warms my heart more than watching them reach out for each other to hold hands for a few seconds. The moments don't always last long, but the passion behind them live on forever. And not to mention they make me one happy and proud mama!

I've listened to Lucas read stories to his baby brother...all of his own doing. And I've even listened in to his conversations over the baby monitor. I love watching the bond between them strengthen each and every day and I am so thankful that they will have each other to lean on as they grow.

Just yesterday I heard Lucas say, "watch this Levin. I'm gonna teach you tricks for you to do when you get bigger!" I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing! Levin is so observant and intrigued by everything that his big brother does. Merely seeing Lucas causes him to smile!

Lucas even begged me not to put Levin down for nap this morning. When I questioned why, I half expected something along the lines of him not wanting to play quiet, or a desire for us to go somewhere. But nope...he said that he'll miss him too much. Super sweet!

I know there is going to be lots of sibling rivalry and jealousy as they age, but I have no doubt in my mind that they are going to be close. Their bond is apparent in so many ways already and I can't wait to watch it strengthen.

Goodbye, social life...

Looks like I survived the first two intense weeks of Nursing School! No, I didn't drop of the face of the earth. I've just been sucked so far into my books that I haven't been able to do much surfacing. Between juggling my family and my schooling, there doesn't seem to be much time for anything else. Especially a social life.

I attend classes Monday through Thursday on campus. This is a big change for me considering I have primarily taken online courses since Lucas was born. This first trimester is all lecture based, but that will change in a few short months when we begin our clinicals. I'm really looking forward to actually working with patients and integrating myself into the professional setting.

I am taking Pathophysiology, Nursing Informatics, and Foundations of Nursing. In just these two short weeks I've already taken 3 quizzes, completed a large concept map, started a paper, and done a number of assignments. I have two extremely large exams next week so even my weekends are spent studying. The readings alone are enough to drive one mad. I live nursing. Every aspect of my day is comprised of fitting study/assignment time in whenever and wherever I can.

Sadly, I feel like I am at the greatest disadvantage in my cohort. There are approximately 40 of us students that will go through the entire program together and only a small handful of us have children. Not only do I have two of them, but I also have the youngest baby out of the group. There is a reason most of these students haven't started families yet. Nursing school is very intense and consumes all of your time as it is. I am nervous, but optimistic that I can prioritize and juggle accordingly. Thank goodness my husband has been so supportive and really stepped up into the primary parent role.

It has been quite an adjustment not only on me, but for my entire family as well. To be honest, I was a tad nervous leaving all of my boys alone. And when I say tad, I really mean stressed beyond belief! But my husband has done far better than I could have ever imagined. Not only has he taken charge with his new primary daddy role, but he's done a fair share of work around the house too. I think this has been a valuable experience for him to truly see what I do on a daily basis. Juggling kids and life is a challenge! But he's been wonderful. Truly wonderful.

I love seeing the bond between the three of them grow, but I feel somewhat left out of the loop now. Levin's connection to his daddy is stronger than ever and there have even been a few incidences where he wanted Levi over me. I'm not going to lie...that broke my heart just a little. And I've had to turn down Lucas' play invitations a number of times while concentrating on important work. Nothing makes me feel worse than saying no to my child when he actually wants to play with me. Nursing school is a huge priority in my life, but I hate feeling like I have to push my kids aside at certain times. I know that it isn't going to get any easier, but I also know that these next 18 months are going to build a strong foundation for my career, and ultimately my family.

That being said, I am also very thrilled about this experience. I have been a stay-at-home-mom for over 3 years and I feel like the mother role has consumed my identity. I absolutely love my children and being a mommy, but I sometimes feel like that is all I am, and all anyone perceives me as anymore. I am still my own individual person and getting out of the house to focus on something for myself has proved more rewarding than I imagined. I may be stressed, overwhelmed and even over-consumed with my studies, but it is still something that I am doing for me.

So although Nursing school has proven itself intense and absolutely life changing in my circumstances, I am really proud and honored to be where I am. I am only a year and a half away from a life-long and rewarding career that is going to ultimately better our lives. I apologize now for the distances that this is going to create in all of my relationships, but rest assured...it is only temporary!

4.5 Months

The 23rd of this month snuck up on me and I didn't get to blog with all of the holiday commotion. But my baby Levin is now a whopping 4.5 months old and surprising me each and every day.

Talk about one happy baby! Levin is almost always sporting a smile and is so attentive to the world around him. He's beginning to recognize certain individuals and even reach for me when he wants picked up. Melts my heart each and every time!

Levin is quite the chunk still, too! He weighs in at 18lbs 4oz and is 26 inches in length. I had to bring out the 9 months clothing when we returned home. My goodness! But I love his chunky/squishy little self. Perfect for keeping me warm!

He is now grabbing and pulling on absolutely everything in sight. Apparently he thinks every item belongs to him and must go straight into the mouth! (It also seems that he is beginning to teeth too...poor guy). He loves to stand up tall and be as involved as possible. He's definitely not content laying on the floor by himself anymore.

He is so incredibly verbal these days and I love listening to him babble! He wakes up in the happiest mood and just chats up a storm until I grab him. This is a huge difference from Lucas who still wakes up grumpy to this day! It's hilarious watching/listening to him talk to Rori too. She's so great with him.

Levin is a super jumper! He absolutely loves to be in his bouncing toy going a million miles a minute. He bounces for the longest time. He's even jumped himself to sleep on a few occasions...

Since beginning to teeth, his sleeping patterns have taken a turn for the worse. He is no longer sleeping well at night and seems to be in a lot of discomfort.

But I still adore watching him sleep. It's such a beautiful sight!

He is still not taking a bottle well and honestly doesn't nurse much. It's a surprise to me that he's as chunky as he is. His coordination is astonishing and I have witnessed him turn his teethers around prior to chewing on them. He sure is developing fast!

Although he says 'dada' about 500 times a day, he did say 'mama' once! I know he was just babbling, but I'm counting it!

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays from the Cecils!
We were so blessed to be able to spend the holidays in California with my family (first time in 5 years!) Even though I haven't been home for Christmas in years, I fell back into our family traditions with such ease. Not only was this baby Levin's very first Christmas, but Lucas and my youngest brother Cameron (who are absolutely inseparable) got to enjoy the holiday together.

We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, enjoyed each others company, had a delicious Christmas feast, and ended the night watching home movies of us when we were little! Talk about a blast from the past...and some incriminating stuff!

We also got to celebrate a 'Friends Christmas Party' a few days prior with all of our friends and their newly expanding families. It was so amazing to see everyone all grown up, and watching all of our children interact together. It's crazy how much things change in a few short years.

Everything was priceless.

Just keep pinning!

What do I love more than Pinterest itself? Having an amazingly handy husband to build me everything I ask of him!

It's no secret. I'm an absolute addict when it comes to Pinterest. I've mellowed out recently in these last weeks only because I had to make myself stop. I was spending too much time staring at my phone that it started giving me headaches and keeping me awake at night. I realized I had a serious problem when I caught myself (multiple times) still browsing the site after nursing the baby back to sleep. When you're sitting awake pinning things at 3am while the rest of your house is asleep...you've got problems.

But I honestly do feel like the ideas that we've recreated have bettered my life and the look and feel of my home. Truly. I love being organized and efficient and I feel that Pinterest has aided me in both of those areas.

Not only did I get all of the inspiration for Lucas' pirate party from Pinterest, but I have also been trying out lots of new recipes and wonderful arts and crafts ideas for Lucas. And when I need a good laugh, I browse through the humor section. Although I quickly had to ban that because I found myself laughing so hard that I'd wake up my little nursling when I was suppose to be getting him back to sleep. And trying not to laugh always resorted in this awkward barking/snorting noise and a spastic chest from it's inability to breathe normally. I always feel lame for thinking something so stupid could possibly be so funny...but then I remind myself that someone else must have thought the same thing or else it wouldn't be pinned, right?!

I love pictures and never felt that I had an effective way to display a large amount. My home is fairly small and I didn't want to over stimulate the walls with frames in every direction. When I saw this idea, I instantly fell in love! It took my husband a whole 10 minutes to build, too. We painted it black and I went to the local thrift shop for miscellaneous frames. I wanted an array of mismatched frames, but in the same color, and I think it turned out great! I want to build another one for my room now.

Laundry has always been a stress factor for me. I feel like it's a never ending chore and I get so frustrated that my husband constantly throws his clothes on the floor. When we arranged Levin's room, we moved all of the office furniture into our bedroom and that left little to no space for a laundry basket. (which always seemed to be overflowing anyways). So this idea sold me the moment I saw it! Not only is my laundry now kept in one specific area, but it gets sorted into lights, darks, and Levi's work clothes (which I don't like to have touching my clothes!) PERFECT. I love having the washer and dryer elevated too because I'm no longer bending over and killing my back. I wish we would have done this a long time ago!

Lucas loves loves loves to read. Honestly, he would have me read 100 books a day if I allowed it. I knew we've accumulated quite the stash over these past 3 years, but I didn't realize exactly how much until I sorted through. I decided to pull out all of the 'baby' books and move those over to Levin's room, but Lucas still had more books than I knew what to do with. I loved the Ikea spice rack idea, but since we don't have one here I decided to go with the rain gutter bookshelves. And boy did I chose right! I absolutely love how it turned out. Not only does it make his room look bigger, but the books are displayed in a more engaging way.

Lucas' shelves turned out so well that we decided to put some smaller ones in Levin's room, too!

So even though I feel like I've waisted hours of my life sucked into this addicting site, I at least have some great things to show for it. Thank you hubby!

Feetsies!

Levin has found his feet!
I remember this stage with Lucas and it was so much fun to watch. Every time I turn around Levin is squeezing his chubby little toes! How is my baby growing so fast? Next he's going to be rolling. Then crawling. Then walking. AHH! And also discovering other little body parts (not so much looking forward to that part!)

Watching a baby develop is by far the most amazing thing in the world. Every day new strides are met and they becoming stronger, more independent, and more alert little human beings. I love it!! I could spend my entire life making babies and watching them grow. But of course, hubs would never go for that. So I have to soak it all in now as we go!

Bottle Disaster

I have 5 short weeks until school begins. This means that baby needs to be bottle ready and prepared to leave my sight for hours at a time. As much as I hate the idea of leaving my kids, I'm somewhat excited to get out of the house and do something just for myself...even if that means cramming my poor mommy brain with lots of useful medical info!

We decided to give Levin his first bottle this weekend, and it did not go as planned. I've heard many people say that it can take a while and that you may have to try multiple different brands, but I somewhat thought this would be a nice easy transition. Apparently I was dead wrong!

Levi tried for some time and baby was getting beyond frustrated. He would never suck on the bottle nipple. Instead, he would bite on it and push it out of his mouth with his tongue. After a while I tried too. I know it's usually best if someone other than mom is associated with the bottle, but I could tell Levi was getting nowhere.

Still, he hated it. He got so worked up that we took a good break. After he was happy and smiley once again I brought it back. Still no luck. At this point he was even pushing it away with his hands. We took another break and as soon as I even brought the bottle near him again, he screamed! He knew exactly what I was trying to do and wanted no part of it.

I gave up and decided to just boob him (which he did in about one second flat). We did this entire dance all over again at the next feeding and I finally gave up.

My first attempt at bottle buying was completely unsuccessful. I stood in the aisle forever and finally got so overwhelmed that I just left. This is an entirely new world for me and I don't like it one bit! I exclusively breastfed Lucas until he was done, and I wish I could continue to do the same with Levin. So I polled all of my family and friends to find out which bottles worked best for them, and the Playtex drop-in inserts seemed to have won the vote. I went out and bought one, but it came with a slow flow nipple. I'm going to take a guess that the nipple needs to be upgraded to medium or fast because my own are definitely not on the slow side. I honestly feel like I'm choking the poor kid half the time.

So my fingers are crossed that a different nipple does the trick. If not, an entirely different bottle brand may be in order. This entire situation was awkward, frustrating, and disappointing. I hate having to push for something that neither of us seem to want, but I'm pretty optionless at this point. I have a client due any time and I need him a little more cooperative so that I can leave him with dad. (Although they offered to allow me to bring him along too, but I'm not sure that I want to take him to a hospital birth). If only I could bring him to school with me too...life would be much easier!