Looks like I survived the first two intense weeks of Nursing School! No, I didn't drop of the face of the earth. I've just been sucked so far into my books that I haven't been able to do much surfacing. Between juggling my family and my schooling, there doesn't seem to be much time for anything else. Especially a social life. I attend classes Monday through Thursday on campus. This is a big change for me considering I have primarily taken online courses since Lucas was born. This first trimester is all lecture based, but that will change in a few short months when we begin our clinicals. I'm really looking forward to actually working with patients and integrating myself into the professional setting.
I am taking Pathophysiology, Nursing Informatics, and Foundations of Nursing. In just these two short weeks I've already taken 3 quizzes, completed a large concept map, started a paper, and done a number of assignments. I have two extremely large exams next week so even my weekends are spent studying. The readings alone are enough to drive one mad. I live nursing. Every aspect of my day is comprised of fitting study/assignment time in whenever and wherever I can.
Sadly, I feel like I am at the greatest disadvantage in my cohort. There are approximately 40 of us students that will go through the entire program together and only a small handful of us have children. Not only do I have two of them, but I also have the youngest baby out of the group. There is a reason most of these students haven't started families yet. Nursing school is very intense and consumes all of your time as it is. I am nervous, but optimistic that I can prioritize and juggle accordingly. Thank goodness my husband has been so supportive and really stepped up into the primary parent role.
It has been quite an adjustment not only on me, but for my entire family as well. To be honest, I was a tad nervous leaving all of my boys alone. And when I say tad, I really mean stressed beyond belief! But my husband has done far better than I could have ever imagined. Not only has he taken charge with his new primary daddy role, but he's done a fair share of work around the house too. I think this has been a valuable experience for him to truly see what I do on a daily basis. Juggling kids and life is a challenge! But he's been wonderful. Truly wonderful.
I love seeing the bond between the three of them grow, but I feel somewhat left out of the loop now. Levin's connection to his daddy is stronger than ever and there have even been a few incidences where he wanted Levi over me. I'm not going to lie...that broke my heart just a little. And I've had to turn down Lucas' play invitations a number of times while concentrating on important work. Nothing makes me feel worse than saying no to my child when he actually wants to play with me. Nursing school is a huge priority in my life, but I hate feeling like I have to push my kids aside at certain times. I know that it isn't going to get any easier, but I also know that these next 18 months are going to build a strong foundation for my career, and ultimately my family.
That being said, I am also very thrilled about this experience. I have been a stay-at-home-mom for over 3 years and I feel like the mother role has consumed my identity. I absolutely love my children and being a mommy, but I sometimes feel like that is all I am, and all anyone perceives me as anymore. I am still my own individual person and getting out of the house to focus on something for myself has proved more rewarding than I imagined. I may be stressed, overwhelmed and even over-consumed with my studies, but it is still something that I am doing for me.
So although Nursing school has proven itself intense and absolutely life changing in my circumstances, I am really proud and honored to be where I am. I am only a year and a half away from a life-long and rewarding career that is going to ultimately better our lives. I apologize now for the distances that this is going to create in all of my relationships, but rest assured...it is only temporary!
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