Eel...eek!

Tell me this isn't the ugliest, nastiest, most creepiest thing you've ever seen.

Levi has been joking for years that he wants to get a snake. I am terrified and would never be able to sleep if one was in my house. I made the mistake of allowing Levi and Lucas to go to the fish store together and this is what they came home with. Say hello to Lucas' new snowflake eel.

I panicked....literally. I had a full blown panic attack where I was sweating, my heart was racing, both hands were shaking and I starting crying uncontrollably. I was somewhat embarrassed, but I wasn't joking when I told Levi that they creep me out! I don't do snakes or eels.

We've had this little guy for a few weeks now and I guess he's sort of growing on me. Feeding time has turned into a family event and we gather around to watch him devour some shrimp. He is in Lucas room and he's told me that he likes to watch him swim around at night. Personally, I prefer NOT to see him swim! I don't mind seeing him stick his head out from under the rock but seeing his entire body gives me the chills. And he's only a baby...ahh!

I guess this is what I get for having boys.

6 Months!

My baby love is now SIX months old! Can't believe it's been half a year since I pulled him up from the water and looked into his eyes for the very first time. He's definitely not a helpless little blob anymore. At six months he's his own little person! And boy has this been a big month. So many amazing changes in our baby boy.

Levi and I are certain that he is going to be our troublemaker. He's such a happy and easy going baby, but MAN, this kid is into everything! Levin thinks that anything in sight belongs to him and that if anything is in arms distance...its free range. Take my laptop for example. Trying to type next to him is nearly impossible. Hence, his contribution: +--*8-+*/-+-r *

It's almost as if the six month mark was this huge milestone in itself. The morning of his half birthday I found him sitting up in his bed for the first time. We've had him in his sleeper until recently when we had to transfer him into the crib. When I walked in, Levin was sitting up and rocking the entire bed back and forth like a boat. All while giggling!

He's been doing a great job at soothing himself to sleep these days. That afternoon I put him down for nap and never heard a single peep. I figured he went straight to sleep but decide to take a peak anyways. Not only did he sit up in his sleeper, but he turned around and stood up! Talk about nearly giving me a heart attack.

He tries to talk and spends a good portion of the day babbling away. He is well aware of the word 'dada' and I listen to him say it nearly 500 times a day. Still patiently waiting for him to call out to me too!

He's also learned how to wave! He was trying to get his daddy's attention one day and sat waving repeatedly. Levi didn't look over so he blurted out "dada, hi!" I nearly died of amazement. We say hi to him repeatedly throughout the day and it was such a big moment to hear him repeat it back.

We haven't given him a large variety of solids, but he sure does love to eat! He's doing great at it too and we haven't come across anything he doesn't like just yet. He scarfs his food down so fast I wonder if he's even tasting it half the time. We also introduced him to a sippy cup of water and he really seems to like that too.

He is such a distracted nurser these days, too. It's nearly impossible to nurse if we're anywhere besides home because he's so intrigued with his surroundings. But even at home is sometimes a challenge. He loves to stick his feet in my face while he's eating or grab at my chin until I engage in play. What can I say though, I still love it!

I am truly impressed with his rate of cognitive development. Lucas was always a very advanced baby, but it seems that Levin is even surpassing him up. There are times when I feel like he knows exactly what I'm talking about. I like to ask him where various people/things are and he turns to them quite often.

Lucas has a night light in his room that projects the solar system onto the ceiling. Of course this is a huge hit with Levin, too. We've gone in there a few nights and sat looking at the pictures. Last night I turned the lights off in the living room to start getting everyone shifted into bedtime mode and Levin instantly looked up. I sat in amazement as he looked over the entire ceiling searching for the planets. The mere fact that he associated darkness with the lights was astonishing! I walked into Lucas room and his entire face lit up and he started kicking his legs in excitement. What a smart cookie he is!

He is very interested in making music these days, too! He loves to play on his little piano and drums, and is starting to catch on to the cause & effect of sounds.

As much as he loves his mommy and daddy, the way he looks at Lucas always melts my heart. He already wants everything that Lucas has and wants to be next to him at all times. He lights up the moment he sees him and laughs hysterically at the things that he does. Honestly, neither of us can get him to laugh the way Lucas does. He can make him laugh on demand and never fails to remind us. They truly do adore each other.

We decided to try out a bath with both the boys since Levin has been sitting for quite some time. Levi ended up hoping in too because there was no way that Levin was going to sit still. He loved being in the water and once he figured out how to splash there was no stopping him. He laughed hysterically almost the entire time and nearly cried because he couldn't stop laughing at Lucas. I'm glad they are able to experience fun activities together now that Levin is getting bigger.

Although he's not crawling, he sure is getting mobile. He is starting to scoot forward on his butt and continues to spin around everywhere. There have been a few incidences where I left him playing and came back to him in a different spot. I recently had him in the bathroom backed up against the tub and when I walked back in he was nearly standing up on Lucas' stool. I swear he's most mobile when I'm not looking!

I love this little man and all the different expressions that he makes. He is such a character and truly adds joy to this family!

healthy changes

I consider myself a relatively healthy person. No, I don't exercise regularly. But I suppose being a mother to two children is a workout in itself, right?! I eat healthy food (although I do consume my fair share of chocolate) and I make sure to take all my necessary vitamins and minerals.

But lately, that just isn't enough. I'm pretty sure that my body hates me. I'm more sleep deprived now than I have ever been (thanks to the evil tooth that refuses to appear), and my brain feels like it might explode. These days I find myself repeatedly skimping on meals. And when you mix a minimal diet with no sleep...you get one exhausted mama. Both physically and emotionally.

Since school started I find myself caring for all of my duties (kids, house, school) and really failing to care for the big picture.....me. My milk supply dropped substantially and that was a huge eye opener for me. I sometimes forget that I have a little person dependent on me for his nutrition, and my stress level and lack of good foods has compromised this. I felt, and still do feel, awful. How could I be so blind to what's right in front of me? Why am I not doing everything in my power to keep myself healthy? I'm studying to be a nurse for crying out loud. Health is in the forefront of my education and my own lifestyle. I'm taking Pathophysiology at the moment and its frightening to see how many diseases and disorders result from nutritional deficits. A deficit, or even excess, of one thing can cause so much disturbance in the body. I am constantly in awe.

This has got to change. I know I am busy but if I continue to neglect myself then there are going to be other consequences. Mothering and nursing school are difficult and stressful, but I can no longer ignore my own nutritional needs. It's time to focus on eating better, and eating more!

We buy organic and usually try our best to eat well, so I made a plan to start every morning off right. Levi and I have made delicious smoothies every single morning for an entire week straight. It's amazing how much better I feel after packing my tummy full of delicious and healthy foods. Bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, peaches, spinach, carrots, yogurt, applesauce...and more! This is our new morning tradition and we plan to keep it up and experiment with flavors and vegetables. Thank goodness for delicious frozen fruits. If you think eating healthy in California is expensive, think again. Alaska sure tops the charts.

The milk supply drop was a huge slap in the face. I've been able to help compensate with herbs and increasing my diet, but I plan to eat like a pig from now on. I literally bought around ten boxes of healthy snack items to take to school with me too. Yesterday I closed my eyes for a few seconds and actually fell asleep in class. AHH! This cannot happen! Time to focus on getting more sleep and nurturing my body a bit better. I can't take care of everything around me if I'm not taking care of myself first!

Mommy-Levin weekend!

Levi and Lucas headed out of town for a few days, so that left me and baby all alone! I was a little sad to not be going with them, but staying in a quiet house for a few days sounded like pure bliss to me.

I got to spend nearly three whole years giving Lucas my undivided attention, and it sometimes makes me sad that Levin doesn't get that same luxury. Granted, he does get a larger percent of my attention these days because of his young/helpless state, but it's definitely not the same. Lucas and I had years to bond and I sometimes wish that Levin and I could have that same opportunity. Not to say that we haven't bonded, it's just a different relationship with the second baby due to time constraints and attention sharing.

So I really took advantage of our time together. We've had three entire days to ourselves and I made every attempt to love on him when I could. I only did school and housework when he was sleeping. (But don't let me fool you...I didn't even do near as much as I should have!) We stayed in our pj's, cuddled lots, and even slept in the rocking chair together one evening. I haven't done that in a long time! Geez, I'm starting to miss the newborn phase already. He's definitely growing into his own and becoming more independent by the day.

I miss Lucas, but I really enjoyed this special alone time with my littlest. It was a short reminder of how life used to be with just one!

The juggle struggle

The busy hustle and bustle of my life puts me into a situation where I am forced to prioritize, manage my time most effectively, and ensure that my attention is divided equally between my husband and my children. Some days I feel confident with this juggling act, other days I feel like a failure.

I have always been able to maintain my home, care for my children, uphold my status as a 4.0 student, socialize, and even squeeze in some solo couple time with the hubs. But ever since nursing school began, time seems to slip between my fingers and my patience constantly feels stretched thin. I have extremely high standards for myself and I am beginning to realize that I cannot do it all. It's just not possible.

Levin was sick all of last week and I had two extremely large exams. Studying with two children is hard enough in itself, but attempting to study with a sick and needy baby and an extremely hyper toddler is just impossible. I was finding myself overwhelmed, stressed, and downright exhausted. My house was a disaster and that in itself was causing my OCD to run ramped.

So what did I learn through all of that? Life goes on! The mountain of laundry sat for a few days and then once I finally got around to folding it...it sat for a few more. There were dishes in my sink and toys scattered everywhere. Even though I wasn't able to clean up the disaster zone until the end of the week, it did finally get done.

This business of prioritizing has proven to be much harder than I imagined. I'm still struggling to find that happy medium, but I'm beginning to learn to let things go. It's not imperative that my home be in tip top shape. It's okay if the laundry waits. My kitchen isn't going to catch fire from being a little messy. Everything can wait. I find myself rushing to do tasks as soon as the baby is down, but that can no longer be my progression. Studying takes precedent over everything else and I must utilize any and every opportunity to squeeze that in. Like I mentioned before, I am at the biggest disadvantage in my cohort. I don't have the luxury of studying for solid stretches or getting everything done on my own terms. My children dictate that for me and the only thing I can do is accept that notion.

I must say though, I've done really well learning to let go of the housework. Where I still struggle most is dividing my attention between my family members. Levi takes care of the kids a great deal when I need it, and this is just something that I need to be okay with. It makes me sad to see them preferring daddy at times, but I know that they are his children too. For some reason I go into mama bear mode and don't want to let go. But I am learning. Slowly. But I'm making progress.

All I can do is accept that I am not wonder woman and learn to take it easy on myself. I think that I beat myself up for not keeping to my standards, but I have to keep telling myself that this is all temporary. Nursing school will be over before I know it and I will look back in awe of my accomplishment. I'm no longer striving for precision. I'm striving to do the best that I can. And if that's not top notch over the top perfection...then that's completely fine. My family is going to love me just the same.

Maximus

With the start of school and my insanely busy life, we decided that it was time to find Maximus a home that could better care for him. This was an extremely hard decision to come by and it took me a long time to actually follow through with it. But I am confident that he is being well cared for and in an environment more fitting with his personality.

After advertising, I spoke with a number of interested parties and I believe I found him a great fit. He is now the center of attention and able to live the quiet and happy life that he so much deserves. Between his depressed state in the winter and the dogs who never seemed to leave him alone, Maximus seemed unhappy. Having children has lowered his status on the family totum pole, and it wasn't fair for him to receive as little attention as he did.

Maximus was just a teeny tiny kitten when Levi and I got him and now he is 6 years old. He was the first pet we got together as a couple, so giving him away was harder than I expected. I feel like he has been with us since the infancy of our relationship and a part of our expanding family. I hate that he had to take the back burner to our dogs and our kids and I constantly felt guilty for not interacting with him more.

Lucas had a hard time when the new family came to pick him up and he cried that he missed him for a few days following. But I've checked in to see how the transition was coming and they told me he is happy and adjusting very well. They sent me a picture of him playing with his new toys and informed me that he was renamed to Lucifer!

No matter where he is, he will always be my Maximus. I already miss his obnoxious water obsession and middle of the night meowing. But I know that this situation is all for the best. Max is happy and getting plenty of lovin'...and that's the most important part of all.

5 Months!

Oh my, Levin is now FIVE months old! Really? Already? How on earth did this happen? How is half of his first year almost already gone?

A little delayed, but I finally made it in for his well-baby checkup. I forgot the exact numbers but he is still somewhere in the 18 lb mark, and is 26 inches in length. Doc said he was still hanging out in the 90th percentile range for weight and 75ish for height.

So what's new? Well, he is now sitting up on his own! I think all that extra chunkiness helps him in that department.

He is also (finally) taking a bottle semi-well. Daddy has had to administer quite a few since I've begun school and he is getting much better at the process. Apparently he does not like to lay down. The only way he'll drink it is if he's sitting upright. He's a stubborn one already.

He is also spinning around and rolling over like crazy! I usually lay him on his tummy on a blanket surrounded by toys, and he spins around to play with them all. I've even seen him spin a full 360 in less than a minute. Pretty impressive!

He wants to crawl so darn bad, but he's still got to figure out the whole arm and leg coordination part. But that sure doesn't stop him from trying!

He is more verbal than ever and babbles his little heart out...particularly when he's sleepy and fighting to stay awake!

I'm certain he's still teething with all the drooling and chewing he's been doing, but we have yet to meet the little tooth. Lucas didn't get his first until 8.5months, so we shall see.

He still loves his jumper and car seat, but is no longer a fan of the swing. He's also taken interest in the Baby Einstein video's, so we plan to make them more of a routine. I think they made a tremendous impact on Lucas' development and I know Levin would benefit from them just the same.

One of my favorite physical features about him (besides his eyes and adorable smile!) is his fuzzy little head! I can't believe how fast his hair is growing. He honestly has more hair now than Lucas had at a year. Insane! But it's so incredibly soft and Levi and I both find ourselves rubbing our cheeks all over his head. Sounds funny when I type that out, but believe me...you would too!

I guess I'd better start planning something exciting for his half birthday next month!