The juggle struggle

The busy hustle and bustle of my life puts me into a situation where I am forced to prioritize, manage my time most effectively, and ensure that my attention is divided equally between my husband and my children. Some days I feel confident with this juggling act, other days I feel like a failure.

I have always been able to maintain my home, care for my children, uphold my status as a 4.0 student, socialize, and even squeeze in some solo couple time with the hubs. But ever since nursing school began, time seems to slip between my fingers and my patience constantly feels stretched thin. I have extremely high standards for myself and I am beginning to realize that I cannot do it all. It's just not possible.

Levin was sick all of last week and I had two extremely large exams. Studying with two children is hard enough in itself, but attempting to study with a sick and needy baby and an extremely hyper toddler is just impossible. I was finding myself overwhelmed, stressed, and downright exhausted. My house was a disaster and that in itself was causing my OCD to run ramped.

So what did I learn through all of that? Life goes on! The mountain of laundry sat for a few days and then once I finally got around to folding it...it sat for a few more. There were dishes in my sink and toys scattered everywhere. Even though I wasn't able to clean up the disaster zone until the end of the week, it did finally get done.

This business of prioritizing has proven to be much harder than I imagined. I'm still struggling to find that happy medium, but I'm beginning to learn to let things go. It's not imperative that my home be in tip top shape. It's okay if the laundry waits. My kitchen isn't going to catch fire from being a little messy. Everything can wait. I find myself rushing to do tasks as soon as the baby is down, but that can no longer be my progression. Studying takes precedent over everything else and I must utilize any and every opportunity to squeeze that in. Like I mentioned before, I am at the biggest disadvantage in my cohort. I don't have the luxury of studying for solid stretches or getting everything done on my own terms. My children dictate that for me and the only thing I can do is accept that notion.

I must say though, I've done really well learning to let go of the housework. Where I still struggle most is dividing my attention between my family members. Levi takes care of the kids a great deal when I need it, and this is just something that I need to be okay with. It makes me sad to see them preferring daddy at times, but I know that they are his children too. For some reason I go into mama bear mode and don't want to let go. But I am learning. Slowly. But I'm making progress.

All I can do is accept that I am not wonder woman and learn to take it easy on myself. I think that I beat myself up for not keeping to my standards, but I have to keep telling myself that this is all temporary. Nursing school will be over before I know it and I will look back in awe of my accomplishment. I'm no longer striving for precision. I'm striving to do the best that I can. And if that's not top notch over the top perfection...then that's completely fine. My family is going to love me just the same.