Lately, my patience has been tested and pushed to its limits and I have broken into tears on multiple occasions over the phrases and tones my son has been using towards me. I know that rebellion is normal and that toddlers at this age are striving for their own independence, but I feel like Lucas has taken it to the absolute extreme. Manners are something that I began incorporating since Lucas began talking. I think it’s important to raise your children to be polite. Heck, if you aren’t going to, then who is? He has always used his pleases, thank yous, and your welcomes. Always. But just recently, getting him to use them nicely has been a task. He has been overly demanding and when I tell him that he needs to ask me things in a nicer way, he scoffs and gives me the dramatic drawn out 'pleeeaseeee' with as much attitude as humanly possible. Where on earth did this come from?
He is critical about everything that I do and doesn’t fail to insert his opinions into every situation. He scolds me for not doing things as he wants them and threatens me with my own punishments. While driving home from a birthday party yesterday, he got upset over a hole in his goodie bag. He rudely yelled at me and told me to fix it NOW. I nicely reminded him that I was driving and it wasn’t safe for me to turn around, but that was just a waste of breathe. He yelled that I was being ridiculous (yes, his exact words), told me he was going to hit me, smash my fingers and color all over my car. Seriously? When did he get so evil?
The most common come-backs I hear lately are "go away!" and “how about tomorrow?” When asking Lucas to do anything (help clean up, take a shower, eat) he always tells me he’ll do it tomorrow. Apparently my suggestions never hold up anymore because he always tries to make a compromise/deal. I offer two of something, he argues for four. I suggest a particular meal, show, or activity, and he often tries to compromise for something different. I feel like I just can’t win anymore.
To say that my son has been demanding lately would be a complete understatement. He no longer has any patience and has a complete fit if I ask him to wait a quick moment for anything. If I tell him that I don’t know the answer to his question, he yells at me to tell him right NOW. He orders and tells me to do things as opposed to asking. He has even started giving me ultimatums. He threatens to throw and break his toys if I don’t do something right away and all I can do is laugh. Go for it child...they’re your toys.
I just received a developmental e-mail and it said that kids at this age often rebel against one particular parent. Of course that parent has to be me. I am the bad guy and dad is all fun and games at the end of the day. I have been spending lots of quality time with him while the baby sleeps and I feel like it’s getting me nowhere. Levi has finally witnessed this nightmare and calmly reminded me that it’s normal. Easy for him to say though...it’s not directed at him!
Case in point: We were loading into the car Saturday night and Lucas dropped his cup on the ground. It had rolled under the car and he asked his daddy to grab it for him. I retrieved it though and when I handed it over he snatched it out of my hands, made the ugliest face and literally yelled, STUPID MOM to my face. Levi immediately scolded him and told him that he should be thanking me for helping, but it was again useless. He doesn’t want me to do anything for him and is completely ungrateful if I do. He even told me a few days ago that he hated me for the first time. I know he's only two, but that really hurt.
The attitude is by far the most difficult thing to deal with and I am really beginning to despise this phase of development. I am really just praying that it ends soon. I love my son to death, but there have been a few days this past week where I felt as if I didn’t necessarily like him. I know that is an awful thing to say and I feel like an absolute horrible mother, but I’ve been pushed to my breaking point. Trying to ignore a situation only frustrates him more and neither time-out, spanking, or taking away toys has any effect on this behavior. He makes it well known that he is mad and will even scream at the top of his lungs at me. He is beyond uncooperative and makes every aspect of my day ten times more difficult than it needs to be. I feel like I’m really at a loss.
I know what you're gonna say...he's just jealous of the baby. But this started well before Levin was even born. Yes, it may have intensified a bit since then, but things really started turning south at about two and a half. And they've only gotten worse since then!
They call this stage the terrible two’s, but I honestly feel that it's worsening as he gets closer to three. His birthday is next month and everyone I’ve spoken to says that next year will be worse than this. Good lord, I don’t see how it could possibly get much worse!
Where did my sweet child go? Or more importantly...will I ever get him back?
4 comments:
First of all *hugs*.
Second, I do think that the birth of little Levin has made the whole thing worse. YOU brought him into this world and YOU were pregnant with him which would make total sense why YOU are the one he's attacking. He also gets far more time with you being as you are work at home mom, so he's not going to be mean to dad when he only sees dad a few hours a day compared to you who he says all day every day.
As far as the "terrible two's," I'm convinced they mean "terrible two years (and beyond)." When my nephew was about 1 1/2 that's when it started (as it has with my son as well!) and he's 5 going on 6, he's just starting to get out of it.
Mine doesn't have as big of a vocabulary as yours yet but he certainly know all forms of the word No and when I say "Stop it!" he screams "STOP IT" right back at me! He runs from me, and is mean. He throws stuff at me and we've reached a point now were taking him any kind of shopping is a disaster. It's SO embarrassing! :(
My point is, it's the age and jealousy combined, and I feel your pain, you are not alone. ♥
Oh momma! We have just started this God awful phase with Kyleigh, and I seem to be the targeted parent too. I feel your pain. I have recently tried restating what Kyleigh says to me and that seems to ease her frustration a little bit, but overall we are in the same boat as you.
Also, DON'T think you are alone in the feeling that you don't like your child. I actually told Kyleigh after a rough day last week that I didn't want to talk to her because I had nothing nice to say to her.. :/ I think all moms go through a phase of not "liking" their child while they are acting out.. I don't think there is anything abnormal about what you are experiencing.
Hold your chin up. I hope it gets better soon!
Oh Mama, I feel for you.
I think alot of it is age, and alot of it is adjustment to your pregnancy, starting school, Levin's birth and insecurity. I think that insecurity often surfaces as jealousy and "rebellion." I know we hear alot about kids testing boundaries, but I think the boundary they're often testing is that of your acceptance and love.
I also think you touched on something many parents don't even consciously note or consider, when you mention him threatening you with the same punishments you dole out to him. What you're doing might seem appropriate/acceptable to you, so it's difficult to understand the anger and threats from him, just like whatever he's doing when he gets punished seems appropriate and acceptable to him and he is confused by the punishment and seeming withdrawal of love.
Tantrums are unavoidable. They're pretty normal of all kids, particularly this age, at least in most developed and developing nations. I know it's rough sometimes, and I commend you for being brave enough to admit to that, instead of pretending everything is peachy and easy.
I have to admit that while my children test me, relentlessly some days, they usually give the worse to/around their father. I think it's because he's the one that tends to be reactive, to yell and threaten, and they're stuck in that paradigm. (I haven't figured out to change it for them.) I tend to be calmer and am more likely to say something like, "I'm going in my room and locking the door. I need a time out/away, all by myself." I think because I yell and threaten less frequently, they're more responsive on the occasion I do, as in "Stop" if they're running into the street, etc.
I know there are people who believe spanking is the only way to rear all or some kids, but there is a convincing, large and ever growing body of evidence that shows that in homes where it is regularly inflicted, the undesirable behaviors become more common, with an onslaught of even more undesirable behaviors as teens and adults. I recently read one doctor's study saying it is most effective when used on children between two and seven, and only when paired with another non-physical-punishment form of discipline, and only open hand on the bottom, no more than twice a month.
I think you're sweet child will reemerge.You strike me as sweet, nurturing mama, and imagine you will raise children with similar traits. May you be granted the patience of Job until then, though, to keep you through these rough phases.
oh I have been dealing with so many of these things with my Lucas too!! It has been a rough last two weeks, ever since he potty trained and then moved to a twin bed.... it's been crazy. His attitude is SO rude at times and he will say gooo awaaaaaaay. He has been acting out and yeah, just know you are not alone. i hope this phase passes soon for both of us! Hugs!
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